MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THIS

 

Recently someone requested, "Tell us something about yourself that no-one knows."

Okay. Most people don't know this but I eat like a caveman, with my fingers, standing up, and as though it's my last meal. I say "most people," but I should actually say, "No one knows this!" 

You're probably thinking, "How uncouth." 

 

Listen, I sit all day writing, in front of a computer, so standing is such a relief. 

 

"Okay, that's the excuse for why you stand. But why use your fingers and hands instead of utensils?" 

 

There's something earthy about that. I think it connects me to my caveman days. And then there's the matter of wastefulness. If I use utensils that means using dish soap and running water, that seems wasteful, so I can cut back on that simply using my hands. 

 

"Ah," so you say, "but then you have to wash your hands afterwards, and there you go, having to use soap and water anyway."

 

Sorry, but I've got that one licked, literally licked, after licking my fingers I use a paper towel. A little less wasteful than soap and water. Okay, so now you're disgusted with me and will never come to dinner. Excuse me do you think I would do this in front of you, did you forget, I'm a lady! A lady would do this only when no one was looking.